Sad when I am Glad

It's kind of funny how lately me and my girlfriend can never be happy at the same time. One of us always has to be sad so that the other is happy.

This time it is my girlfriend's turn. The oddest thing about this time though is that it actually feels real. All the other times it felt like she was just doing it 'because'. But now she really is in some mess that she can't think of anyway to escape. I told her just tell me and it will all be over but she can't tell me. She says, "I know it's bad but I can't remember it." I think that is a load of crock. But I tell her, "It's okay, you don't need to tell me, whenever you feel better we can talk about it." but I know she won't get better. I have been doing this myself for a while. Stressing over something that is nothing.

She knows that. I wonder what could be so bad? What could the reason be that she hates herself? What could the reason be that she lies to everyone including herself? If I could know that I would feel very happy. I would feel like I finally know something about her.

She knows everything about me... in a way I feel dumb saying this: But I think I deserve to know SOMETHING about her in exchange for everything she knows about me. I mean shouldn't she trust me enough already to tell me? She could tell me that she killed a man and I would still love her. She could tell me ANYTHING at all and I would still love her. She could tell me, "I never really loved you..." and I would STILL love her!

I just think that... whatever it is... if it's so stressful for her.... she should just spit it out like always do, and then we can feel uncomfortable for a little like always, and then we can talk, and everything can be normal again.